Jasten’s 28th birthday
April 11, 2018
a year without him
September 25, 2018

“Our mind knows the truth, but our heart refuses to accept it.”

As a person who embraces logic, reason, and scientific evidence, you’d think that I’d be able to accept facts.

I was there.

For every single moment of the suicidal tragedy that took my son from me, I was right there….

Behind only a wall and a locked door, I heard the shot. I heard his soft groan as his 6’8” body fell to the bathtub floor. I felt everything as Anya and I screamed, shouted, and attempted to beat the door down while I called 911. When the First Responders got there, they told us he still had a pulse and a heartbeat, but was unconscious… we were right there. They airlifted him to the hospital and a neighbour drove Anya and I there.

I was there.

As soon as he was out of surgery to remove the bullet from the frontal lobe of his brain, I was there, by his side, hoping for only miracles. At this point, science had done all that it could. I was there all day, all night, through each test, through each IV change and breathing tube change – for everything – until the final moment, that night on September 25th, 2017, at 7:37 pm, when the neuro team at CMC Main, in Charlotte, NC, pronounced my Jas brain dead.

I was there.

Just as I was there to kiss his cold face, and stroke his hair, as the mortician had cleaned him up for a final, private viewing, prior to his cremation, as he lay in a body bag under a blanket at the funeral home.

I was there.

Just as I was there to sign his death certificate. I held the page. I read it. I held the pen and put it to the paper and signed my signature to my own son’s death certificate.

I was there.

I arranged his memorial service. I ordered a BiosUrn for his ashes. I contacted many places that wound up not being affordable or being too far away or not being willing to accept the BiosUrn in their cemeteries. I finally found one, Dust to Dust, and we went there… this place where I’d bury my son’s ashes. Then we had the service.

I was there… and I still cannot accept that he’s gone forever. 💔😭

The Days Are Long, and the Nights Are Longer After Losing Our Son

Mia
Mia

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